


Reality Check

by Sandylee007



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Confused Magnus Bane, Drama, Episode: s03e11 Lost Souls, Love, M/M, Spells & Enchantments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-08 15:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17984201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandylee007/pseuds/Sandylee007
Summary: STARTS IN THE MIDDLE OF EPISODE 3X11           After his encounter with Iris, Magnus wakes up in a bizarre new reality where almost everything he knew is just a trick of his imagination. Will he find his way back? Especially when it turns out that not everything in the fantasy world is unpleasant. As time passes it becomes harder and harder to hold on to the memories of his own reality…                     MAGNUS X GEORGE            /             MALEC          MALEC MAIN-FOCUS         UPDATES TWICE A WEEK, WEDNESDAYS AND SUNDAYS





	1. Are You With Me?

**Author's Note:**

> All day yesterday I physically felt a story-idea trying to come to life in my head. AAAAND… Ta-da, here it is! (chuckles) Something small and bizarre for the spring.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: BUAH-HAH-HAA! Nope, I own ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (but a Netflix account, thank heavens for that) and a VERY overactive imagination. Not a dime of profit made out of this one, just a great deal of emotional satisfaction.
> 
> WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES AND CHILD ABUSE, a heavy load of feels and a MUCH heavier load of WEIRDNESS… Oh, anyone still out there…?
> 
> Okay. Starting a new story is always nerve-wrecking, so I’ll just get on with it. (chuckles) I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride!

_“… it’s okay …”_  
_“… Magnus? …”_  
_“… hear me? …”_  
_“… do to him? …”_  
_“… Mag…! …”_

Magnus’s eyes flew open with a loud gasp. For several endless moments he fought to breathe, feeling like he’d been underwater for a very long time. His chest burned and the whole world spun in front of his eyes.

What… happened? And where was he? Because he wasn’t too confused to conclude that the white ceiling above him and the painfully uncomfortable bed he lay in didn’t belong to his apartment.

“Magnus?” He jumped at the unpleasantly familiar voice calling out to him. “Are you with me?”

“… give him too much …?” someone else murmured. Magnus didn’t manage to pay a lot of attention to it. Because the face of Iris loomed in front of him.

Every single muscle in Magnus’s body tensed up, prepared for a fight, and his eyes narrowed. “What did you do to me?” he demanded. “Where am I?”

Iris sighed heavily. She seemed so sympathetic that he almost fell for the act. Almost. “We’ve been through this numerous times before. Do you remember?” She went on when he responded with a sharp glare. “You’re at psychiatric ward 6. You were brought here for your own safety when you had a relapse four days ago.”

A tingle of alarm went through Magnus. His eyebrows furrowed. “A relapse?”

Iris seemed like several things he was in no fit state to recognize. Surprised wasn’t one of them. “You really don’t remember, do you?”

With a quick, subtle glance around Magnus surveyed his situation. He would’ve been more than happy to lunge at Iris, her magic be damned. But there were three people dressed as nurses behind her, two of them men. They all seemed familiar, but for the life of him he couldn’t put names to the faces. Magnus’s head was still so fuzzy that he would’ve had no hope of tackling all of them. So he remained reluctantly where he was, so tense that he was twitching.

“What’s the last thing you do remember?”

Magnus glared at Iris with such raw hatred that made the nurses take a step closer. Even more satisfying was her flinch. ( _That's right_ , he sneered mentally. _You’d better be scared._ ) “You contemplating between suffocating and electrocuting me”, he growled, his tone low and aggressive.

Once again Iris sighed. She murmured something to one of the nurses, who nodded, before focusing on him. “Magnus. I need you to listen to me. We’ve been through this great many times, too, but it seems we need a new repeat.” Her eyes locked with his and he couldn’t bring himself to look away. “Those memories of yours? They’re not real. Shadowhunters… Downworlders… Magic… None of that exists. You’re a writer, not a warlock.”

If Magnus imagined that he wanted to attack her before, it was nothing on the desire he experienced after those words. He clenched his fists. “I applaud you for the effort. But I’m never telling you where Madzie is.”

The flash in Iris’s eyes was so short-lived that he might’ve imagined it. “I already know where Madzie is.” He didn’t like the expression on her face. “She only exists in your head.”  
Magnus’s blood boiled while his chest tightened to a point where breathing became a challenge.

/ _“See you later, alligator.”_ /

“Magnus.” Iris’s voice hit his suddenly throbbing skull like a knife. “I know that you’re confused. But I need you to stay with me.”

Magnus clenched his jaw. “I’m not confused”, he hissed. “I’m being manipulated by magic.” He clung to that explanation with all the force of his mind. Needing to anchor himself.

Iris pursed her lips. “I’m not entirely sure if you’re ready for this. But since the treatment methods we’ve tried so far seem to have been of little use… I wonder if meeting your husband would make things better or worse.”

Those words caught Magnus so off guard that he lost all coherent thoughts for a long moment. A husband? How far was Iris willing to go with this cruel trick? He was about to snap as much until he felt something. A ring on a finger he’d always kept bare.

Apparently Iris was willing to go very far.

She went on. “He’s here right now, talking to your primary nurse. He’s very worried about you, and would want to see you.”

Magnus stared at the new, unfamiliar ring. Uncomfortably aware that his emotional turmoil was visible. His mental walls shuddered. But didn’t go crashing down. There was a steel hard expression on his face when he looked towards Iris once more. “I want to talk to him.” For better or worse, he was going to see this game through.

Iris seemed alarmingly happy with his response. Was he falling for a trap? “In that case… Why don’t you follow me?”

Magnus climbed out of the bed and did his best to hide how unsteady his feet were. Then he began to follow her with a painfully forced aura of confidence. Walking a step behind her through a maze of hallways, he felt alarm tingling everywhere in his body. Was he sinking deeper and deeper into Iris’s spell?

Eventually they reached a small, sparsely decorated but surprisingly cozy room. Iris kept talking but Magnus closed his ears. After a steadying breath he stepped inside, expecting to find Alec. He froze, everything inside him and around him stilling.

The man on the other side of the room stood with his back towards him, wiping his eyes. But Magnus recognized him easily, even after all the years passed. The world swayed hazardously while he forced out one barely audible word. “George?”


	2. Can You Hear Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus fights desperately to maintain his grasp on what is real. Especially when both the real world and the imaginary one keep calling out to him. Eventually Iris plays another cruel hand...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, it’s time for the Wednesday update! (grins) Hooray?
> 
> THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for all your comments and listings! They mean more to me than I can say. (HUGS) I REALLY hope that you’ll keep enjoying the ride!
> 
> Awkay… Are you ready? Because it’s time to get to the chapter.

George turned around agonizingly slowly, as though afraid to face him. Finally eye to eye, they stared at each other. Magnus’s chest tightened painfully.

George’s hair was slightly longer, still almost military style. It wasn’t the first time he saw the man in civil clothes but it was bizarre to discover the modern time garments. The eyes, though, those looking right into his… They were exactly the same he was never supposed to see again.

A voice somewhere in the back of Magnus’s mind tried to scream at him that it was all wrong. That none of it was real. That the man in front of him died a very long time ago.  
But a heart is a fickle thing.

Magnus was moving before he decided to do so consciously. And all of a sudden he’d thrown his arms around George. He pulled the man he’d lost and grieved close, held him exactly like he did the last time they met. (When they met for the last time, he tried to remind himself.)

After a brief shock George held him back, every bit as tightly. “Magnus? Hey…” A deceitfully familiar and tantalizingly comforting hand caressed him. “You’re shaking.”

Magnus squeezed his eyes tightly shut. When he inhaled a shuddering breath he smelled the battlefield and felt sick to his stomach. Among great many other things. “I can’t breathe”, he managed.

Why was it so hard to breathe, what was Iris doing to him…?

What George wrote to the back of the photograph bombarded his skull. Made it ache horribly. Each word bit harder than one of the bullets that killed the man he loved.  
Gently but firmly George guided him to a couch that was mercifully nearby. Magnus allowed himself to be handled by the sweet illusion because he wasn’t able to think at all. Everything spun, even with his eyes closed.

“Magnus?” There that familiar touch was again… “Honey, look at me.”

Magnus didn’t want to. Because looking was bound to make the magic trick feel too real, make it far too hard to keep his already faltering mind grounded. But he was never able to deny George anything and he couldn’t make himself start now. So, slowly and reluctantly, he opened his eyes.

George studied him with a frown. Blue eyes full of concern. (They were always far older than the soldier’s years…) “What have they medicated you with…?” A gentle hand was placed on his cheek and he leaned against it, no matter how hard he fought to resist. Feeling the touch, the familiar calloused hand… It was entirely too hard to remember that none of it was real.

But Magnus wasn’t letting Iris win so easily. With every ounce of his willpower he closed his eyes and anchored his memory on something he knew wasn’t fantasy. He pictured another hand, which felt almost exactly the same as the phantom one. Summoned a memory of someone else watching him. Not with worry but with such absolute adoration that took his breath away.

/ _“You’re beautiful.”_ /

Magnus hadn’t realized how cold he’d felt until warmth began to rush back into his body.

 

_“Magnus? Can you hear me? That’s it, wake up for me. You saw that, right? Magnus…!”_

 

“Magnus?”

His eyes flew open. And like a switch had been flicked the feeble, momentary physical grasp on the reality he’d had vanished. George was watching him with a mixture of concern and fondness. “Where did you go?”

Magnus wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry or laugh at the question. How was he supposed to even begin to explain? He cupped George’s face with both hands, savored he sweet illusion for a few moments. “Oh, how I’ve missed you…”, he murmured, his voice and aching heart full of melancholy.

How cruel was it that he had to say goodbye to the same person twice?

Without effort he remembered the endlessly long, dark day when the photograph George kept above his heart was returned to him. He remembered the lonely years of grief, afterwards. That pain wasn’t a creation of his imagination. Nor was the love preceding it, which he’d always carry with him.

George chuckled and shook his head. “You… are such an adorable romantic sometimes. I only stopped by at the grocery store.” Which was when Magnus noticed, to his alarm, that the man’s clothes had changed from what they were before he closed his eyes.

And they definitely weren’t at the imaginary hospital anymore. The apartment looked a lot like Magnus’s loft, but Iris had gotten many subtle details wrong. (Considering that she’d been hurled at a book shelve and then tossed through a portal upon her physical visit, such clumsiness could be excused, Magnus mused with vindictive mirth.) Spotting the mistakes made anchoring his mind to constantly dimming reality a little easier.

Magnus’s eyebrow bounced up when he noticed a beautifully set table. The scent of something that promised to be delicious filled the air. “Are we… celebrating something?” Letting himself get lost into the fantasy was a terrible mistake after how hard he fought to see the difference between reality and magic’s creation. But he couldn’t help himself.

George shrugged and appeared sheepish. “I know that you said you didn’t feel like arranging a party today, but… It’s your birthday.” (That echoed so true that Magnus shuddered inwardly. While he usually loved parties, he never celebrated his birthday. He’d outlived far too many precious people to consider years passing something to rejoice about.) “It’s also been exactly six months since you were discharged from the hospital, and you’ve been doing so well. All the more reason to celebrate.”

Six months? That… actually gave Magnus a jolt. How much time had passed by in the real world? How long had Alec been calling out to him? What did he have to do to make this cruel trick stop?

Magnus inhaled a deep breath and smiled without making any actual decision to do so. He took George’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. The part of his mind that was still actively fighting screamed a warning when he felt his grasp on what was real slip. “Thank you”, he managed, softly. Because while the time they really had together was regrettably short, he owed a lot to the man whose ghost currently tormented him.

George smiled. “How many times do I have to tell you that you don’t need to thank me for every little favor? You’re the most important thing in this world to me.” The part that stung the most was that those were words the soldier actually said to him, once. Not much before Magnus lost him. Oh, Iris was good at torture…!

“Red or white?” Did George seem edgy all of a sudden? “Does she have a preference?”

Considering that Magnus had absolutely no clue what was going on, it was alarming that he had an answer. “White. Red always gives her a headache. And stop worrying, she’ll love you. Even if she’s… disappointed that we eloped.” He needed a timeout, immediately. Because the spell was obviously working far too well. He began to scramble up from the couch and struggled mightily to maintain his composure. He wasn’t going to give Iris the satisfaction of feeling him break down…! “I’ll… go and try to make myself representable.”

Magnus attempted to pull off a tactical retreat. He wasn’t quite fast enough. “I don’t know why you’d think you need it. You’re beautiful the way you are.”

That sounded wrong. Those weren’t George’s words. His memories… He was confusing them… No, Iris was confusing them.

But Magnus’s body responded, anyway. Reacted instinctively. He leaned closer and pressed a tender kiss to George’s cheek. Funny, his husband was shorter than he’d remembered…

Something inside him snapped back into place just as George’s lips lingered close to his. Something that felt right pushed through. Like a flashlight in the dark.

/ _“Magnus, I love you.”_ /

On the last moment Magnus offered his cheek to avoid an actual kiss, and sped off before he had to see the hurt and confusion on George’s face. As soon as he made it to the bathroom he threw the door closed and leaned against the sink, gasping. The pressure squeezing around his whole being made breathing almost impossible. His heart was being torn to pieces.

Magnus had no idea how long it took before he managed to lift his gaze. He shivered at what he found. His face… And hair… He looked exactly like he did during the time of war. He stared at his reflection while his mind tried desperately to figure out which version of him was the real one.

Magnus was just about to reach out for the tap to rinse his face when he jolted at the voice echoing in his head, everywhere around him.

 

_“… don’t know if you can hear me, but… I’m right here beside you…”_

 

“Alexander…”, he breathed out. Surprised to see droplets of moisture falling to the sink. Once again warmth filled his body, made him feel safe and grounded.

 

_“Magnus?”_

 

Magnus closed his eyes and smiled. His breathing eased and his heart calmed down to the slightly too fast flutter it often displayed when Alec was around. The Shadowhunter’s presence filled him, like balm on open wounds. “I’m here”, he whispered. “And I won’t stop trying to make it back. I promise.”

/ _“Look what I have waiting for me.”_ /

From a nearby drawer he found mascara and eyeliner. A solid memory of Alec remained even after the warmth slowly faded, and it ushered him forward while he put on his warpaint. Braced himself to attack Iris’s spell and break free from it.

When he left the security of the bathroom the doorbell rang. By then George was obviously nervous. “How do I look?”

Magnus found his features softening to a loving smile. “Breathtaking. And ready to charm.”

George kissed him before he had the time to dodge it. And by all that was holy… The kiss was exactly like those they exchanged in secrecy, once upon a time. While everyone else imagined that they were just two friends playing cards. The slightly dry but inviting lips… The taste…

Everything spun and swayed.

Magnus felt like he was sleepwalking when he made his way to the door and opened it. Only to discover that Iris was about to play her most vicious hand yet. The mental shockwave that went through him nearly brought him to his knees.

Years had aged her but she was still as beautiful as in his memories. When she pulled him to a hug he felt ready to fall apart. “Hey, sweet pea”, she murmured in Indonesian, her voice full of mother’s love. She then remembered their company and switched to slightly broken English. “My precious boy, I’ve missed you so much.”

Those words, that embrace, that affection… He’d craved them for hundreds of years. Eventually he deemed himself unworthy of them. Magnus clung to his mother like the whole world was falling apart around him, and broke down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no…! Poor Magnus. He’s getting so lost. (gulps) Will he succeed in finding a way out? Or will he lose himself to the fantasy?
> 
> AND, the most important question of all… How was that? Any good? PLEASE, do let me know! I LOVE hearing from you.
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope that I’ll see you all there.
> 
> Take care!


	3. Dance With Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As hard as Magnus tries to say goodbye to the imaginary world, he begins to falter. Body and soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s Sunday, which means… Updating time! Yosh?
> 
> THANK YOU, a million times, for your comments and love for this story! I’m so glad that you’ve all joined in for this strange little feels-filled ride. (HUGS)
> 
> Now… Are you ready? Let’s go and see how the story continues!

For years after his mother’s suicide Magnus had a recurring dream. He’d wake up, screaming and crying. To find her there, comforting him, reassuring him that it was all just a nasty nightmare. _“Go back to sleep, sweet pea”_ , she’d tell him. _“I’ll make the bad dreams go away.”_ And he’d close his eyes, trusting her soothing promise. Only to wake up screaming once more, to find that there was no one to comfort him. No one to chase away the boogeymen from his nightmares, because he was the monster. Someone so disgusting that his own mother killed herself because of him.

And now she was right there in front of him.

Magnus didn’t know how he ended up sitting at the dinner table. Not even noticing the food or the wine he stared at George and his mother interacting. Watched how she laughed and smiled, alive and happy.

Somewhere during the meal George took his hand and squeezed it. Just like the man sometimes did when he was actually alive, once they were sure no one would see. Magnus squeezed back and shivered from delight when their wedding rings brushed together.

To be surrounded by that love and acceptance he was without for so long… Seeing his mother proud of him, loving him… He felt so happy that it actually hurt.

And he lost himself to the fantasy world where he hadn’t suffered far too many losses. As though by magic, pretty much for the first time in his hundreds of years long existence there was no pain and sorrow in his heart. The horrible weight of grief that never really left his shoulders… It was gone.

It felt so good and liberating that his whole being rejoiced.

Then his mother dropped some pasta sauce on her dress. It made a stain on her chest that looked like blood. Apparently his subconscious was still trying to fight the spell. For all of a sudden Magnus remembered, so clearly that it was cruel. The memory he’d spent centuries trying to forget came back without a hint of mercy.

/ _“MAMA!”_ /

Then she was leaving, slipping away from him again. Just before she would’ve walked out the door Magnus grabbed her hand. Held it so tightly that if she was real, it would’ve hurt.

She looked at him with a frown. “ _Magnus?_ " she inquired in Indonesian. " _What’s wrong?_ ”

Magnus couldn’t stop a tear from rolling down his cheek. “ _I’m so sorry…!_ ” He trailed off.

His mother chuckled. She seemed even more confused and he couldn’t blame her. “ _Whatever for?_ ”

_For being me_ , he almost let slip. _For killing you, just by existing._ Instead he wrapped his arms around her and pulled the entirely too realistic ghost to a nearly desperate embrace. He closed his eyes. “ _Goodbye, mama_ ”, he barely managed, hoarsely and scarcely audibly. Feeling far too much like he was losing her all over again. “ _I love you._ ”

It hurt even more when she hugged him back. “ _I love you, too._ ” And she was gone.

Magnus couldn’t open his eyes. Couldn’t stand facing a visual confirmation of the renewed loss. He shook to the very core of his being, agony ravishing all of him. “I’m sorry…!” he whispered. “I’m so sorry…!”

 

_“Magnus, hey, it’s okay…!”_  
_“God, he’s burning up…!”_  
_“We need to get his temperature down, now.”_  
_“Magnus, I know that it hurts, but… It’s okay. I promise.”_

 

“That went pretty well, right?”

Magnus opened his eyes. To find that he stood in the living room, holding a glass of wine. At least his clothes were the same, so the time skip couldn’t have been a long one. He blinked, trying to focus his mind. Before he could decide what to do, how to react to anything, he was smiling. “It went perfectly”, his mouth uttered, in a voice that was full of warmth and love. “My mother adores you.”

His mother would’ve adored Alec, Magnus realized, his heart heavy from grief. Someone who loved him fiercely, despite his flaws… Someone so loyal and honest… Wasn’t it what every proper mother wanted for their children?

/ _“Thank you, for loving my boy.”_ /

That memory startled Magnus. As did the name he thought of. Alec…?

/ _“I’m all for effort.”_ / A pair of lips were pressed against his at the exact same time in the world around him and in the memory. Magnus felt them both so intensely that it took his breath away. 

Alec…! Home. Reality. Magnus shuddered at how entirely he almost lost his hold on what was real. If he wouldn’t be careful Iris’s devilish plan might work.

George, oblivious to his internal conflict, smiled with the kind of pride that tugged at his heart. Back when they were actually together… They never had this. They couldn’t share their relationship with anyone. And it felt horrible, to hide the best part of their chaotic, dangerous lives. “Your mother must’ve been so taken with me because she saw how much I love her son.”

Magnus touched the other man’s face with his hand. It all felt far too real… “I love you, too”, he murmured, Iris’s magic pulling him deeper and deeper. The whole nightmare would’ve been far less painful if he hadn’t meant his words.

Shaky, achy and sick to his stomach, Magnus focused on the glass in his hold. The liquid rippled from how unsteady his hands were. And it wasn’t until then he realized how exhausted he was getting, body and soul.

Too much, all of this…!

“Dance with me?” George suggested. “They’re playing our song.” And true enough, the music floating from who knows where was familiar. It was the only song they ever got to dance to, just once. Before…

Painful memories vaporized when a pair of solid, safe arms wrapped around him. Magnus unleashed a breathless chuckle, suddenly lightheaded. “I’m going to end up spilling wine all over you!” he cautioned.

“I’m willing to take that risk”, George countered playfully. Then grew more serious, eyes softening. “There aren’t many things I wouldn’t do for you.”

Magnus tried to joke. Or scold the man for being corny. But right there the weight of all those years he’d spent unloved became too much. He clung to George far more tightly than he’d intended to and they began to sway slowly to the melody. He lost himself.

Magnus had no idea how long they danced. Until his nose caught something seconds before thick, moist substance trickled out. He blinked quickly from surprise, his grasp on the glass breaking. He didn’t even notice how it shattered, shards spreading everywhere. Instead, curious rather than alarmed, he brushed the skin above his upper lip with two fingers. With dazed and mesmerized eyes he inspected the red staining them.

 

_“Is he bleeding?”_  
_“We have to break their connection before she kills him!”_  
_“Alec, wait…!”_  
_“You want me to break it? You want me to let him go? You foolish children should be careful what you wish for…”_

 

Obviously Magnus had never been shot in the head. But the pain that hit his skull and filled all of him… It was definitely worse than a bullet. He could’ve sworn that someone was tearing his brain and heart apart. Shredding him piece by piece.

In more pain than ever in his life, Magnus brought both hands to his head and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. Then screamed, called out at the top of his voice in despair. “ALEC!”

 

_“Shh… I’m right here, Magnus. I’m sorry…!”_  
_“What did you do to him?”_  
_Someone was laughing menacingly. “I left him stranded. You’ll never manage to pull him back now. The dead have him.”_  
_“Magnus, I’m here. Just… Just hold on, please…!”_

 

Magnus tried. Tried, tried, tried… But his mind was slipping…

His eyes flew open and his head was silent from anything but his own thoughts.

“Magnus?” There was a great deal of concern on George’s face. The man moved a strayed strand of hair from his eyes with a tender hand. “You looked like you were a million miles away. What was on your mind?”

Magnus blinked slowly. Once, twice. What _was_ on his mind? “I… can’t remember.” Why did he feel like he was supposed to? “It couldn’t be anything important.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no… (whimpers) Is there any hope that Magnus can still find his way back home? Or is the battle lost?
> 
> Thoughts? Comments? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Every word from you ALWAYS makes my day.
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope that I’ll see you all there.
> 
> Take care!


	4. Do You Dare to Jump?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus's mind has been trapped into the spell-world for a while when the real world starts to call him back again. Will he find a way to wake up before it's too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s Wednesday. Which means that it’s also time to update this tale. (rubs hands together)
> 
> First, though… THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for the comments and love you’ve given this story! You have no idea how happy every kind word makes me. (HUGS)
> 
> Awkay… Let’s go and see how messy things get before the story ends… I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride!
> 
> MILD TRIGGER WARNING for some rather dark thoughts and memories.

Time passed by. A week. A month. Eventually a full year. On their anniversary Magnus and George were finally ready to take a massive step.

“Are you sure about this?” George’s eyes betrayed fear, but also an endearing amount of barely contained excitement. “There’s no going back after we sign.”

Magnus smiled. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my whole life”, he declared. To make perfectly clear how much he meant his words he wrote his name.

Seeing the completed adoption application was so surreal that he felt dizzy. Magnus stared at the document, and shivered. That once not only because he never seemed to feel warm anymore. (He didn’t think he’d felt warm in over a year. How odd.) “I just… I wonder what it’ll be like. If I’ll be any good at parenting”, he admitted.

George snorted. “Why would you think about something like that? You’ll be an amazing dad.”

A praise like that could only ever have one outcome.

Much later they were returning from a celebratory date including a dinner and a movie when something… unexpected occurred. Wind carried a flyer that landed right at Magnus’s feet. Chased by a spark of curiosity, he picked it up and studied it.

All the piece of paper entailed was some bizarre symbol that seemed strangely familiar. And a few words. ‘ _Sometimes the only way home is down. Do you dare to jump?_ ’

“What is that?” George inquired, sounding genuinely curious.

Magnus stared at the flyer for a few more moments. He wondered briefly why his heart ached the way it did at the written words. Then let both the question and the piece of paper go. “I have no idea.” He gave his husband’s hand a squeeze. “Now let’s go home and finish celebrating.”

/

The surreal, blissful illusion lasted for two more days. That evening they were cooking a dinner, to which they’d invited their friends and Magnus’s mother. It was finally time to break the news on their adoption plans.

Trusting the roast beef they’d decided to prepare to his husband’s capable hands, Magnus headed to find an appropriate outfit. He was just about to put on a wine-red shirt, one of his favorites, when a sudden wave of warmth went through his whole body. And then a voice echoed in his head.

 

_“… come back … Magnus, please, come back …”_

 

Magnus’s heart hammered and he struggled to breathe while he fought to understand what was going on. Whose voice was that? Why did it make him feel warm for the first time in ages?

Magnus’s head hurt and spun. Not quite sure why he did so, he pushed his hand into his pocket. And froze upon finding something he couldn’t remember putting there. He fished out the mystery item with gentle, cautious fingers. A memory assaulted him the second he lay his eyes on the loveliest gift he’d ever received.

 

/ _“I got you something.”_  
 _“Me?”_  
 _“Yes, you.”_ /

 

For luck and protection… A lone tear ran down his cheek while it all came rushing back, like a dam had been shattered. “Oh, Alexander…”, he whispered, his voice breaking. “I’m so sorry…!” How could he possibly forget?

He needed to wake up, had to fight the spell…!

Feeling unsteady on his feet, Magnus made his way towards the kitchen and leaned on the doorway. For several stolen moments he watched George preparing a dinner they both knew to be his mother’s favorite food. And he wondered how he was supposed to actually say goodbye again, especially after living a dream for over a year.

Magnus had to compose himself for a long time to be absolutely certain that he wouldn’t break down. Then, mustering as much composure as he could, he risked trying his voice. “I feel like making suplés today, but I noticed that we don’t have most of the ingredients. I’ll be back soon.” It was the first time he ever lied to George.

George nodded. “Okay.” The man’s eyes were so full of trust and joy that it was heartbreaking. “’Love you.”

Magnus kissed his imaginary husband. Mainly to hide the tears shining in his eyes. It was long and melancholic, tasted of goodbye. “I love you, too.” And a part of him always would. But they lost each other a very long time ago. He closed his eyes and brushed the soldier’s face tenderly with his hand. “Remember what you asked me, before your death?” He swallowed thickly. “If I make it back, I never will. And you never could.”

/ _“Magnus… If I die today… Promise me that you won’t forget me. Make sure that I won’t become just another faceless name on stone.”_ /

Before the ghost of George could ask, or before he got the chance to change his mind, Magnus left.

/

Magnus wasn’t sure where his feet were leading him. But apparently his subconscious had an idea. He shuddered when all of a sudden he found himself standing on a bridge.

/ _‘Sometimes the only way home is down. Do you dare to jump?’_ /

Was that a clue, or was Iris playing with his mind again? Did it really matter? Because just like once in the real world, he saw no other way out. And this time Camille wouldn’t be there stop him. (The familiarity of the situation made him feel ill.)

Magnus climbed over the railing, avoiding falling by accident only narrowly, and looked down towards the pitch-black water. His heart raced while he fought to figure out if he was completely out of his mind. If he was right, this was his only way back to reality. If he was wrong… If this was exactly what Iris wanted him to do…

Well, it was better to not think about that.

He looked towards the cloud-covered night sky. “Alec, I… I’m still here”, he whispered. Despite knowing that the words wouldn’t make it through. “And… I’m still trying to make it back, I swear.”

After a few more moments Magnus lowered his gaze, refocused on the water. It was disconcertingly inviting. He stared at it, transfixed, until his phone started ringing. It startled him to a point where his balance almost broke. Seeing the caller ID hurt terribly. “Hey, mama”, he whispered hoarsely.

“Hey, sweet pea.” Hearing her voice was almost too painful. “I was just about to head to you when I got your message, saying that you wanted to hear my voice.”

Magnus couldn’t recall sending one. Then again, this was all a dream… “Do you remember that lullaby you used to sing to me? When I was a boy?”

“Of course I do.”

Magnus’s eyes filled with tears that never quite escaped. Forcing out the following words took a lot of willpower. “Can you… sing it to me again?”

His mother complied without any questions. Even after hundreds of years he remembered every word of the lullaby. Listening to her gave Magnus enough strength to do something excruciating.

He lingered in a memory of George’s kiss.

He savored the memory of his mother’s loving embrace.

He even dared to wonder what the child he and George would’ve adopted might’ve looked like.

And he let it all go. Fought the sweet illusion. Tore his very soul to pieces in order to pursue something that was infinitely messier but real.

Perhaps he lost his magic and immortality. But he still had his heart, which was beating strongly and stubbornly despite all the times it’d been battered and scarred. And he knew where it wanted to go.

Magnus put down the phone without disconnecting the call, then straightened and closed his eyes. His hand was perfectly steady when it tightened around his precious charm Alec gave him. Then, steeling himself with all his determination, he took a step into emptiness and fell.

His mother’s voice followed him on the way down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh… Poor Magnus! Now fingers crossed that he completes his journey back to Alec safely… (whimpers)
> 
> Thoughts? Comments? PLEASE, do drop a line or two! Hearing from you ALWAYS makes my day.
> 
> Until next time, which completes this tale! I REALLY hope that you’ll all join in for that one.
> 
> Take care!


	5. Did You See the Light?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus jumps and eventually lands. And everything culminates to saying goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? It’s Sunday. Which means that the final chapter is here. Yay?
> 
> THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your comments, kudoses and support! They mean more to me than I can say. (HUGS) I REALLY hope that this ending meets your expectations!
> 
> Awkay… Are you ready to see where Magnus’s jump took him? No? Let’s go, anyway, and hope for the best… (gulps)

Magnus felt like the fall lasted a lifetime. Somewhere in the middle of it he began to wonder, with far too little concern, how much the landing would hurt. As it turned out he didn’t feel a thing.

First there was the fall. Then darkness. _Nothing._

All his emotions and physical sensations vanished. Along with every single one of his memories, even the best and the worst of all. His very self began to fade away.

Until in the middle of the pitch-black void he saw a blue light. It was so warm and inviting that it caught what little there was left of his awareness. He stared at its crescent shape, wondering why it seemed so familiar. Without noticing that he was doing so he began to approach it, like his soul was answering to a call from somewhere impossibly far away.

And then Magnus’s eyes opened.

The room around him was dimly lit but the darkness was gone. Shadows danced on the familiar ceiling above him. Magnus blinked slowly, relieved when his eyes opened again relatively easily.

_I’m home_ , her realized. Astonished. But how…?

“Magnus?” a familiar child’s voice called out. It wasn’t until the small hand holding his squeezed he noticed the contact. Turning his head with effort, he found Madzie. She sat right beside him on his massive bed, as close as she’d managed to get. “Did you see my nightlight?”

Magnus couldn’t help but smile, exhausted and overwhelmed as he was. He hoped dearly that the girl was too young to notice the tears shining in his eyes. “Yeah, sweet pea. I saw it.”

Not needing any further encouragement or invitation, Madzie crawled even closer. Until she practically lay on his chest. She was far from old enough to worry about the discomfort her gesture might cause. Instead she let go of his hand in favor of hugging him the best as she could. “You slept too long.”

Magnus wrapped one arm around her and pulled her close. “I know”, he sighed, his voice hoarse. How long, exactly, did he spend trapped by Iris’s spell? “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Madzie forgave him for scaring her as easily and sincerely as only a child can. “You’re awake now.”

The only response Magnus was able to give was tightening his hold on her. If the way Madzie melted to his embrace was any indication she appreciated it. He was awake now. Wasn’t he?

Sensing someone watching, Magnus looked towards the room’s doorway. Catarina wiped her eyes swiftly while observing the scene in bewilderment. Beside her Alec, who appeared utterly drained and pale, didn’t seem far for crying, either. Their eyes locked and held, both men melting to an identical smile. Magnus didn’t even notice it when a tear rolled.

Yes, he was home, and this was _real_.

/

Alec didn’t breathe while Catarina checked up on Magnus and kissed the man's cheek, then picked up Madzie before the two left the room. The Shadowhunter was fairly sure that he hadn’t breathed properly since Magnus lost consciousness at the alley where Iris was subdued. Defeated moments too late, after she’d succeeded in aiming a blow of magic at Magnus’s head.

/ _“I sent him to the world of the dead”, Iris sneered. “And the dead are greedy, and tempting. You won’t get him back.”_ /

They almost didn’t. The magic drained Magnus, further and further. For four days the warlock’s vitals continued to drop while fever raged, no matter what was done in effort to help. It got even worse when Iris’s hold on Magnus was cut forcibly. That was when the man stopped responding to anything, slid away entirely. They’d been sure, Alec had been sure…

This, Magnus being conscious with no signs of brain damage, was nothing short of a miracle.

The eye-contact between the lovers hadn’t broken since it was formed, for the first time in several days. And in the end the temptation was too much for Alec. Moving at the speed of a trained and experienced fighter, he closed the distance to the bed and pulled Magnus to a hug. It was tight and desperate, hopefully not enough so to be painful.

Magnus shuddered. Then, slowly, the warlock began to return his embrace. Feeling the arms tighten around him, Alec closed his eyes. His mouth opened several times but when nothing came out he let it go. Words could wait, he decided and breathed in the man he loved.

Clearly Magnus didn’t quite agree. “Alexander?” The man’s voice was hoarse from disuse. “I… felt you there. And… It made a difference. Thank you.”

Unable to come up with anything to say to that, Alec tightened his hold still, unaware of the tears that trickled to his cheeks.

/

Magnus needed a lot of rest to recover from the whole ordeal. So did Alec. For several more hours the Shadowhunter forced himself to stay awake while the man in his arms slumbered. He was terrified that Magnus would slip away again if he dozed off. But eventually exhaustion from four sleepless days and nights proved to be too much.

Roughly fifteen hours later they were both coherent enough to have an actual talk. “How are you feeling?” It unnerved Alec how quiet and tangibly sad his boyfriend was. “Did Cat’s potion help with the headache?”

Magnus nodded, head resting on his shoulder and eyes focused on something only the warlock could see. “I’m fine.” Of course he wasn’t, not yet. “Just… The world Iris pushed me into…” The man swallowed thickly. “She made it very… tempting. Leaving it wasn’t easy.”

Jealousy Alec wasn’t proud of tugged at him viciously. He had to concentrate to not sound bitter or accusative. Neither emotion had a place in such a delicate moment, when his beloved needed his unconditional support. “What did you see?” he asked softly.

Magnus tensed up and shook his head. “Alexander, please… I can’t.”

That stung. A lot. But Alec understood that this wasn’t the time for pushing. Instead of demanding answers he kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head. And thanked the Angel that he got Magnus back from wherever it was Iris tossed the man’s mind.

Magnus’s voice, quiet as it was, surprised him enough to make him shiver. “I… To me over year passed. That world… It made me get lost and forget. Until I heard you.” The man snuggled closer to him and the archer welcomed it gladly. “You made me remember again. That the world around me wasn’t real. That I had to keep fighting.”

Alec blinked rapidly when his eyes stung. “Well…” He cleared his throat. “I think Madzie did the hard part”, he attempted to lighten the mood. To think that her sneaking into the room might be what kept him from losing Magnus…

“She showed me the way.” Magnus turned his head so that their eyes met. “But I’m not sure I would’ve made it out of there without you.”

Alec lost control over himself. He pulled Magnus so close that it made breathing a challenge. (Or perhaps the discomfort was caused by something else.) “You… You called out to me at first”, he murmured. “When you stopped, I thought…” He trailed off, unable to voice the rest.

Magnus kissed him, and Alec found himself responding with every little inch of him. They remained tangled together afterwards. “I’m here”, Magnus whispered.

“So am I”, Alec returned equally softly. Then uttered something else he’d longed to say. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

It was enough to help them sleep peacefully.

/

Bouncing back from Iris’s cruel spell wasn’t easy on Magnus. Regaining something he’d missed so terribly, and to walk away from it… To have over a year’s worth of happy memories, filled with love, of his imaginary life… And then waking up to a world where he’d lost so much – his magic, his mother and countless of other people… Dealing with the trauma from Iris’s attack, torture and the memories she forced him to bring back to life… It was almost too much, even with Alec’s unwavering support.

He could tell that Alec was worried about him, just like after the agony rune. The archer didn’t ask outright after the reaction the first question earned. Instead Alec continued to give more and less subtle hints that he’d listen if Magnus wanted to talk. But how was he supposed to even begin to explain to his boyfriend what he was going through?

Eventually Magnus came up with a solution.

/ _"Promise me that you won’t forget me. Make sure that I won’t become just another faceless name on stone.”_ / He did make a promise. Perhaps keeping it would help him set the ghost free.

/

Alec came back from work and felt alarm flash through him at how dimly lit the apartment was. He frowned, looking around. “Magnus?”

“In the living room.”

Alec followed his boyfriend’s voice. And froze. Because there, cradled in Magnus’s arms like the great treasure it was, sat the memory box they argued so bitterly about. Much to his shame, his temper and jealousy came close to flaring again. Until he saw the heartbreakingly vulnerable, almost pleading look on Magnus’s face. And decided firmly that he wasn’t going to take this personally, because the man he loved obviously needed him. “Magnus?” he coaxed, hoping for an explanation.

Magnus swallowed hard and visibly gathered himself. “I know that you’re not comfortable with my life before you. And I’ll never be able to share most of it with you, because it’s too painful. But… I saw two of those people I’ve lost in the world Iris trapped me into. And I…” The man’s voice broke. “I think I need to tell you about them, for their sake and mine.”

Alec nodded slowly and sat to the couch beside Magnus at a similar pace. He tensed up upon discovering the man holding the photograph he’d already seen without a permission. His muscles definitely didn’t relax when he also spotted a dagger. It took a considerable amount of willpower to not utter a word. To let Magnus do the talking, while his beloved still had the strength and will for it.

Magnus stared at the photograph, unshed tears in his eyes. “George… He was a lot like you. A soldier, through and through. Struggling between what he was and what he was supposed to be. And when he loved someone…” Words failed the man and some of the tears came close to rolling. “When I first met you, listened to you… I felt like I’d encountered a ghost.”

No wonder Magnus fell in love with him so easily, then… Alec managed to push back some of his jealousy. And instead felt a momentary spark of joy that over the course of his centuries long, far too lonely life Magnus had encountered people who loved him like Alec did.

Magnus seemed oblivious to his straying thoughts. They both stiffened when the man’s fingers brushed the blade. “And… I saw my mother.” Those words were barely audible, as though the lack of volume would’ve somehow lessened the pain. “She was…” The first tear finally escaped while Magnus’s shoulders slumped. “Oh, Alexander… She would’ve loved you.” It was like a switch had been flicked. All the pretense of being alright… All the hidden agony… It burst out, along with many more tears.

And Alec held Magnus through the storm.

A couple of hours later, when it was already dark outside, they stood on the balcony. They’d lit up two candles, like they once did for Clary when they imagined that she was gone. “Ave atque vale”, Alec whispered and squeezed Magnus’s hand.

“Hail and farewell”, Magnus murmured, returning his hold.

They remained there for almost a full hour. Until the evening grew too cold. Alec wrapped a protective arm around Magnus and led the man inside. Away from ghosts and bittersweet memories, to a life that was far too often painful, but real.

And whatever it might throw their way, they’d face it all together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sniffles) A bit of a bittersweet ending. But thank gosh Magnus found his way back home, to Alec! And now, with hard but much needed goodbyes, true healing can begin.
> 
> Was that a worthy ending? Thoughts, comments? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Comments ALWAYS make my day.
> 
> THANK YOU, so much, for reading! It’s been AWESOME to take this journey with you guys. (HUGS) Who knows. Maybe I’ll see you again?
> 
> Take care!

**Author's Note:**

> (IN CASE SOMEONE DOESN’T KNOW WHO GEORGE IS: George was a soldier Magnus fell in love with, once upon a time. He died in battle, leaving Magnus with a bittersweet photograph.)
> 
> Oh dear… SO, what THE HECK is going on? How can this be fixed? AND, most importantly… 
> 
> Was that any good? Would you like to read more? PLEASE, let me hear from you! It’d mean THE WORLD to me, especially since starting a new tale is always a bit nerve-wrecking.
> 
> In any case… THANK YOU, so much, for reading! Maybe I’ll see you again?
> 
> Take care!


End file.
